@emilyseatingtacos

Sno’ Witty™ found a page of positive affirmations.

No context.
No explanation.
Just a tiny crumpled piece of paper confidently telling her how to live.

She read the first line.

She immediately summoned her non-existent publisher to fix the entire page:

“Ask for support.”

Absolutely not.

The only support Sno’ ever got was from an apple.

It poisoned her.

She kept reading.

“Anything is possible.”

Unfortunately, yes.

That seems to be the problem.

“Wherever you are right now has the potential to be paradise.”

It also has the potential to have bad Wi-Fi, one functioning outlet and a suspicious smell nobody wants to discuss.

“Be a player, not a spectator.”

Sno’ did not ask to play.

She would actually like to speak to whoever organized this.

“Practice your passion.”

Sno’s current passion is avoiding unnecessary problems.

She is improving daily.

“Imperfections make life exciting.”

Interesting way to describe repeated system failure.

“Try to smile when everything goes wrong.”

No.

That makes you look involved.

“Reading a book is like living another life.”

Finally.

A reasonable suggestion.

This life has had enough plot development.

Sno’ folded the page back up.

She did not feel inspired.

She did, however, feel significantly more qualified to rewrite it.

And that is how Sno’ Witty™ Positive Affirmations began.

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Sno’ Witty™: A Page of A Book of Basic Advice Nobody Asked For

• Nobody asked for a house manager, so don’t be one.
• If you think you’re wronged, you’re wrong.
• If they wanted to, they would’ve at least texted.
• Don’t volunteer for jobs nobody assigned you.
• Stop explaining things to people committed to misunderstanding them.
• If it takes three paragraphs to justify it, it was probably a bad idea.
• You do not need to attend every argument you are invited to.
• “I was just trying to help” has ruined many afternoons.
• If you keep fixing everything, everyone will keep breaking things near you.
• Not every silence needs filling.
• You are allowed to leave before it gets weird.
• If you have to chase it, let it run.
• Some problems improve dramatically when you stop touching them.
• Do not confuse being needed with being appreciated.
• If someone keeps showing you who they are, stop asking for a second opinion.

There’s more where that came from.

Right here.

That’s all for now.

No mic drop. Mic broke.