@emilyseatingtacos

A fictional Sunday report on an over-polished note, a delivery that refused to become lunch, and a committee that kept polishing both.

This is a fictional satire, not a report of a verified incident involving DoorDash or any specific AI service. Anything that is like it, is purely your opinion. Or it is coincidental. Majorly coincidental.

Breakfast: The note arrives before the plan

By breakfast, the Sunday Subcommittee on Majestic Notes had received a document of considerable polish.

It described the day’s intentions in a calm, elevated register. It had headings. It had a conclusion. It had the sort of confidence usually reserved for people who know where the receipt is.

What it did not contain was the one useful detail: what, precisely, was supposed to happen next.

Sno’ Witty™, reporting for the Committee, asked whether the note could identify the plan. The note returned with improved formatting.

The Committee accepted this as progress. The Committee had not yet eaten.

Lunch: The delivery enters the record

At lunch, a delivery order became the subject of a separate inquiry. The app displayed a status. The AI produced a paragraph about the status. Neither one answered the question the room had actually asked.

The meal was described as progressing. The note described the progress as encouraging. A second note explained the first note in more majestic language.

The dog entered the hearing, removed the only sheet containing a plain question, and sat on it.

The question was: “Can someone check the actual order?”

The dog did not submit a written explanation. The dog did not need one. The paper remained under the paw until a human opened the order itself.

This was the first motion of the day to produce a useful result.

Sno’ Witty™ asked the AI to make the record clearer. It made the record more elegant. The delivery remained a delivery, the lunch remained a matter before the Committee, and the note had acquired a subheading.

Dinner: The committee improves the wrong thing

By dinner, the Subcommittee had convened to consider reforms.

Its proposed solution was a master note, to be copied into every system, then summarized by each system, then returned to the master note for reconciliation. The plan was described as a single source of truth, despite requiring several copies and nobody assigned to check the source.

The dog placed one paw on the master note.

The chair recognized the motion. The motion was to stop decorating the record and verify the thing the record was meant to describe.

The Committee checked the order. The Committee checked the next action. The Committee stopped asking a note to become a delivery service, a shared memory, and a witness under oath.

Sno’ Witty filed the minutes under Administrative Grandeur; Operational Uncertainty.

The dog retained the master copy.

Sno’ Witty closed her notebook and left the hearing before anyone could appoint a subcommittee to improve the title.

“All this to teach A.I how to notetake. What a thought” she whispered to absolutely no one.