Patrick Ghosted Me, Then Asked What I Do for a Living;

Sno’ Witty™️ unconventional by design and currently watching black phone one for the 8th time in two weeks- decides Patrick needed a Ethen Hauke divine intervention wake-up-call. As the Trapper of course. He is otherwise of no use to anything but this story. (Sno’ witty™️ decides while writing this header)

Breakfast

Patrick ghosted me. Classic move. Sno’ Witty™️ observed from the counter, arms crossed, indignation fully cooked. But like any good chef of chaos, she wasn’t about to serve him the same old story. Enter Ethen Hauke: imaginary, suave, with just the right amount of judgment and definite level of creepy that makes even the trapper confused.

Lunch

Then came Flinney—) heroic, practical, 13 years old (character from black phone #1 as Sno’ Witty™️ has not seen Black phone #2 yet and cannot speak for that version of Flinney and Ethen Hauke) yet!

Again, Then came Flinney—heroic, practical, slightly dramatic. Together, they diced my irritation, sautéed my patience in a pan of sarcasm, and seasoned it with subtle chaos.

Patrick’s question—“what do you do for a living?”—was like a stale crouton in a gourmet salad. I had options: literal explanation, passive-aggressive fiction, or full Sno’ Witty™️ theatrics. You ghost me and expect me to have gotten a job just so you’d come back? Well Sno’ did do that; but realized it wasn’t for Patrick.

Together, they diced my emotions like onions, sautéed dignity in a pan of caffeine, and sprinkled sarcasm on top until Patrick’s “naughty boy” act tasted suspiciously like overcooked pasta. And I was super embarrassed to have brought Ethen Hauke into such a trivial situationship matter. “Create your own version of you” she pretended to hear Ethen whisper through her iPhone 12 which is suspiciously onto something.

Dinner

Sno’ went full performance art. She was a glorified (in her mind) doort dasher.

Loud line in public? Check. Picture for the customer? Check. GPS conveniently lost? Double check.

Patrick didn’t get a single thing except maybe that Sno’ Witty™️ doesn’t play by anyone’s script. The soufflé of revenge—seasoned with zero responsibility—rose perfectly, and Patrick’s narrative of “ghosting then interrogating” was served cold.

When he came crawling back with hopes for her to ask about paperwork she didn’t play the game: Patrick is indeed a naughty boy. But after too much free fandango movies, she knew better than to give him what he wanted. Instead she ignored his leads (paperwork) and slammed him with a title he’d have to google to get.

Sample of a probably real text message;

Mic Drop Moment: he never replied (as she suspected)

Never let someone eat your heart when you have Ethen Hauke on speed dial and a Mentally tormented young child character ready to chop emotional subtext into bite-sized genius.

your job title can be renamed if you are clever enough to use your imagination: and above all else: Patrick’s exist in every realm of a single girls phone. Do not engage in naughty boy games.

stay tuned for Sno’ Witty™️ confronts I.C.E. Another episode that naturally does not exist.

for researched fun follow Sno’ on instagram at @emilyseatingtacos (no link to press- we encourage brain usage on this channel) if you can’t remember Emilys eating tacos then you have bigger issues to address.

stay frosty. 🥶