Saturday October, 11th 2025

❄️ Sno’ Witty™️ — 📍 Schiller Park Chronicles

🎙️ by Sno’ Witty™️

“Comfort comes in many forms. Today, it’s wrapped in foil.”

🧊 ACT I — 

The Craving That Started It All

Sno’ Witty™️ did not choose the burrito.

The burrito chose her.

She stood before the freezer section like a knight before the round table — except the table was a humming Whirlpool and the sword was an expired breakfast wrap with “Extra Jalapeño” written like a dare.

In the distance, a lone chihuahua barked at absolutely nothing.

The universe was speaking. And it said:

“Bitch, heat the burrito.”

🌶️ ACT II — 

The Microwave Betrayal

The microwave beeped like it knew her secrets.

Two minutes on high. That’s what the label said.

But it lied.

The outside was hotter than the sun’s ass.

The inside?

Antarctic frost. A culinary betrayal.

Sno’ Witty™️ rotated it with the precision of a bomb technician, whispering:

“Don’t fuck me over again.”

Steam hissed like a passive-aggressive aunt at Thanksgiving.

🫠 ACT III — 

Existential Tortilla Crisis

She took a bite.

Her soul left her body.

Jalapeños punched her in the throat like a middle school bully named Kyle.

And yet…

In that molten-cheese agony, she found clarity.

What is love?

What is trust?

Why are emotional support systems always wrapped in carbs?

The burrito didn’t judge her messy hair, her questionable life choices, or the fact she hasn’t folded laundry since July, and dresses like a Disney character.

The burrito was there. Warm. Chaotic. Loyal.

Unlike Gary from Tinder.

🫡 ACT IV — 

The Burrito Knows Things

She sat cross-legged on the couch like a feral Buddha, clutching her tortilla therapy session.

The burrito whispered — or maybe the hot sauce hallucinated for her:

“You don’t need a plan, babe. You just need salsa.”

And in that moment, Sno’ Witty™️ transcended.

Not spiritually. Just indigestion.

🌨️ OUTRO — 

Lessons from the Wrap

The burrito didn’t solve her problems.

But it didn’t make them worse either.

And in this economy, that’s practically a love language.

Moral of the Episode:

If therapy is expensive and astrology is flaky..

wrap your feelings in carbs and microwave them for two minutes.

(Rotate halfway through, or it’ll betray you.)

🪄 Sno’ Witty™️ — Episode 10 Complete

📌 #Satire #SnoWitty #BurritoTherapy #SchillerParkChronicles #EmotionalSupportSnacks

💬 What’s your emotional support snack? Drop it in the comments below. Bonus points if it’s also a red flag. 😎

🧢 Fake Ad Section (Optional):

(for you not me)

Would you like me to:

(We are making an actual satirical series — like The Onion meets ✨ Sno’ Witty™️)

(Tacocatjustice.water.blog)