EP23: What happens when Snow White testifies before Congress? The dwarfs unionize, the apple lobbyists panic, and Sno’ Witty™ roasts them all.

☀️ Morning — The Subpoena Breakfast

The day started like any other: Sno’ Witty™ with a questionable cup of gas-station coffee and a half-eaten protein bar. Then — knock knock.

Bailiff: “Sno’ Witty™, you’ve been subpoenaed. Congress wants your testimony.”

Sno’ Witty™: “What, again? The last time I was subpoenaed, it was over an apple pie theft in 7th grade. For the record, I pled guilty. The pie was mid.”

She shrugged, put on her Snow White dress — sequins, combat boots, no apologies — and strutted out the door.

🌤️ Afternoon — Hearings Begin

By 2PM, the House chamber was buzzing. C-SPAN cameras pointed. Representatives shuffled papers like they were about to summon a demon.

Chairwoman: “Sno’ Witty™, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

Sno’ Witty™: “Honey, I’ve been swearing since the 90s. You sure you can handle it?”

Rep. Thompson: “Do you believe in fairytale interference in our elections?”

Sno’ Witty™: “Yeah, my ex interfered with my dating life for two years — same energy.”

Silence. One aide coughed. The C-SPAN cameraman muffled a laugh.

Rep. Martinez: “Miss Witty, what’s your stance on apple lobbyists pressuring Congress?”

Sno’ Witty™: “Every apple I’ve eaten either put me to sleep or gave me acid reflux. If that’s not domestic terrorism, I don’t know what is.”

🌙 Evening — The Roast Session

By sundown, things had gone off the rails. Half the committee had left. The dwarfs were outside picketing for union benefits.

Rep. Holloway: “Miss Witty, please keep your comments… professional.”

Sno’ Witty™ (leaning into mic): “Professional? Sir, the only thing professional in this room is how fast you checked your Venmo when your campaign donors texted.”

Gasps.

C-SPAN replayed the clip 17 times.

As she left the chamber, Sno’ Witty™ tossed the mic like a grenade.

Sno’ Witty™: “Subpoena me again. I dare you.”

September 24th, 2025

Early release- 9/23/2025 4:33PM CNT