(From The Chronicles)

September 19, 2025

Episode 7: Sno’ Witty™ vs. The Stand-Up Awakening

(Spoiler: It’s less “Netflix special” and more “Target clearance aisle with a mic.”)

🌨️ Morning — Audible Confessions

Sno’ Witty wakes up at 11:47 a.m. and scrolls through Audible. Front and center: “The Hot Comedian’s Diary” by Matt Rift — half memoir, half thirst trap. She clicks play while brushing yesterday’s eyeliner flakes off her cheek.

The audiobook starts with: “Comedy saved me.”

Sno’ Witty snorts into her iced coffee. “Comedy saved me too — from ever taking life seriously.”

She makes a mental note: maybe stand-up isn’t just for dudes in bomber jackets and white sneakers. Maybe sarcasm has a stage.

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🛍️ Afternoon — Target, Again

Errand: buy index cards for “joke writing.” Reality: she leaves with a karaoke mic, a glitter notebook, and a candle called “Punchline but Make It Cozy.”

Cashier asks: “Open mic tonight?”

Sno’ Witty replies: “Every time I talk, darling. The world just doesn’t pay the two-drink minimum.”

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🍜 Evening — Research & Regret

She doom-scrolls clips of Matt Rift: abs, crowd work, women shrieking like it’s a rock concert.

She scribbles jokes on her glitter notebook:

“Dating apps are just résumés for trauma.” “Why do we call it ‘personal growth’ when it feels like emotional sciatica?” “Wi-Fi is my longest relationship. And it still cheats.”

She reads them aloud to her dogs. One yawns. The other sneezes. “Tough crowd,” she mutters, crossing out half the page.

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🌌 Night — Trial by Fire

At an open mic in a pizza bar, Sno’ Witty takes the stage. Spotlight burns like a tax audit. She starts:

“Hi, I’m Sno’ Witty. You might know me from such hits as ‘Buying Dumb Sh*t at Target’ and ‘Forgetting Pasta in Pasta Night.’”

Audience chuckles. Encouraged, she goes on:

“Dating’s hard. I asked a guy what his love language was. He said, ‘Wi-Fi that doesn’t buffer.’ I said, ‘Same.’ We’re married now. To our routers.”

By the end, she’s got real laughs, a free slice of pepperoni, and one drunk girl begging for her Instagram handle.

Sno’ Witty drops the mic (carefully, because deposit). Walks off like she’s headlining.

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✨ Once upon a sarcasm, Sno’ Witty found her punchline — and maybe her new kingdom: the stage.

Chaotic Treasure Chest™ (ongoing haul log)

Llama mug ☑️ Glitter duct tape ☑️ Anxiety-but-Make-it-Cozy candle ☑️ Gold pineapple lamp ☑️ Flamingo wine glasses ☑️ Namaste pillow ☑️ Elon Musk squeaky toy ☑️ Sushi dog biscuits ☑️ Too-small dog bed ☑️ Neon “APPLAUSE” sign ☑️ Ring light ☑️ Ratings-but-Make-it-Cozy candle ☑️ Karaoke mic ➕ Glitter notebook ➕ Punchline-but-Make-It-Cozy candle ➕